The Bag Is Out For The Cat.

I maintain that cats are brighter than dogs - because coming on command does not a smart animal make. Those dense, hairy little canine buggers would jump off of a building if they were told to follow a tasty snausage over the side, wheras a cat would stop dead in its tracks and wonder what the heck you'd been smoking. I don't think obedience equates to superior intelligence. I like the fact that my domesticated house pet of choice has his own agenda, and doesn't jump on me, drooling like Sloth every time I walk in the door. I like the fact that I can leave him alone for a weekend and not come home to an apartment that looks like it was broken into by incontinent gorillas.

When I got home tonight, however, Boss put on a show that ranks him right up there with the deer tick in terms of intelligence. I bought a new winter coat on Saturday afternoon, and it's a big 'un. The white plastic bag that I brought it home in is ginormous as well and Boss was curled up inside of it just as comfy as can be. I sat down and started watching the news, and he poked his head up to look over at the TV. That was when I noticed he had one of the handles wrapped snug around his neck. I made a mental note that when he tried to get up I'd lean over and remove it - thereby escaping a tragic garroting at the hands of the spiral staircase.

When he finally got up, he got up fast - suddenly realizing he was supposed to be in my bedroom for some life and death situation as cats are known to do. The bag followed him whipping back and forth and making a heck of a racket. Before I could grab him he was off the couch with the enormous bag tagging along above and behind him like a raincloud with a vendetta. He became absolutely terrified, and ripped around the kitchen and living room at a speed I've never seen, desperately trying to escape his cheap plastic pursuer. I nearly doubled over laughing as words cannot really describe how ridiculous it looked, but then he headed for the stairs and I snapped back to attention as my spidey senses began to tingle.

By the time I got down to the lower level, he'd successfully gotten away from his nemesis and was looking up at me from the middle of my bedroom floor, chest pumping and eyes wide with kitty shock and awe. The bag lay a few feet away, hung up on the last step. He quickly turned his attention back to it - I assume anticipating yet another attack. That was 4 hours ago, and he's still there staring at the bag as I type. It's a Filene's Basement Bag Standoff, and I truly hope it's over by morning as I'd like to use it to take my gym clothes to work. Godspeed. You show that bastard bag who's boss, Boss.