OK. Maybe Just Stay Out Of The Water.

There's definitely a theme developing on Pye in the Face this week, and I apologize if you're not fully into the aquatic motif. But as soon as terrifying and weird-ass forms of new sea life stop washing up on beaches around the world I'll get back to the breast jokes.

This story comes to us from New Zealand, where some sort of behemoth from the hockey puck genus washed up near Farewell Spit on Sunday. It measured 3 meters across and the estimated weight was somewhere around a ton. A Department of Conservation worker noticed it on the beach while out for a bike ride, said it was a good specimen and "did not smell" - which unfortunately precludes me from any serious attempt at a Michael Moore joke.



The creepiest thing about this beast (which New Zealanders apparently call a Sun Fish), is the expression on it's face and - Jesus - it's mouth. Look at the lips on the damn thing. If I stumbled upon it while jogging down the beach late at night, I might mistake it for Angelina Jolie. Or an inflatable E.T. sex doll. In either case, the jog would then come to an abrupt halt in favor of push-ups.

I'd like to suggest that scientists around the world start wandering the beaches with Geiger counters or begin looking for whichever North Korean nuclear facility is firing pucks of uranium into the Pacific. Preferably before my petty daily financial and work-related stresses are replaced permanently with Godzilla.