He Wears Short Shorts. And Is A Twat.
There's a new fad sweeping the city of Boston and I'm going to need a little help from my readers in order to ever fully hope to fathom it. I'm talking about college age men, or slightly thereafter, walking around outside in 40 degree weather with shorts on. Cargo shorts usually, which end just above the knee and contain lots of interesting, and I'm sure integral, pockets. Without meaning to sound harsh, please kill yourselves.
Let's say we've been in the middle of a cold snap, and then suddenly the temperature rises five points one sunny afternoon. These little bastards run home to change and come out in full force - inappropriate shorts just a' blazing. I'm taking the time to write about this not because it offends me or because I'm concerned for their immune system or anything. It's simply one of the most retarded things I've ever seen. It has to be the most uncomfortable and useless fad since the fucking corset.
Enthralled, annoyed and disturbed at the same time, this journalist looked for more re-re instances of this silliness online. Here's what I found:
- A related discussion featuring some Canadian twat who says he wears the shorts just to see people's shocked expressions. Wow - that is so punk rock.
- The Senior VP of HR at Microsoft wears shorts in winter. And eats concentrated orange juice cans full of bacon fat by the vanload, apparently.
- Someone visiting Brussels was so alarmed by the sight of shorts wearers that they snapped a picture and blogged it. Personally, I would have been more concerned with the man standing off to the right with his hands down the front of his pants - who also seems to be 'enjoying' the exposed flesh.
- A local Boston blogger originally from California also shares my bewilderment: There's always the crazy guy who wears shorts all winter (I'm sure just to stand out--people call him the "shorts guy"). First of all, I'm glad you get to help pick the nicknames, cause that one is world class. Secondly, of course he does it to stand out. He was probably raised in a closet by an uncle, and digitally bum raped multiple times on poker night.
This article is taking a sharp turn for the worst. Just stop wearing the shorts in winter people. Fauxhawks and bad lower-back tattoos serve the same purpose, and don't lead to pnemonia.
posted by Dave Pye @ 3/16/2006 08:36:00 AM
9 Comments:
I was just in Brussels a few days ago and let me reassure you that it was very cold there. Grand Place is a rather large square making it quite blustery as well. Great waffles but definitly not shorts weather by any means.
Don't hate the players dawg - hate the game!
Anyway - this isn't a fad renob - people in Ohio have been doing this for years.
Renob? This is Boston, not Ohio. There's no excuse for this blatant retardery.
In high school, there was a kid who wore shorts every day of the year. He was a dirty hippy, wool socks and birckenstocks with shorts. Never washed I'm sure...
I never understood it, Nick and I used to work with a kid we nicknamed Big Pun, he was one of the fattest slobs around. He also was a fan of the short pants, his excuse for wearing the shorts year round was that he had multiple tattoos on his lower extremities that he wanted to show off. I believe that he was just so fat that he didn't need the extra layer of protection.
My theory is that mommy and daddy didn't give enough attention when they were children so now they go out of their way to get it.
Yah - Renob - Backward Boner.
Dude - you are just upset because you have chicken legs.
My calves are bigger than yours, Rib Eye. Do people in Ohio wear parkas in July, too?
This banter is hysterical, I feel like I'm at recess
And the use of the word twat in two posts this week is fuckin awesome!
Ribeye - Guuuy - my arms are bigger than your calves. And don't even get on the subject of parkas - you have to buy an extra just to wear on your head - "Candy Gram for Mongo!"
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