You Might Be Canadian If...
- You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK".
- You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."
- You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.
- You drink pop, not soda.
- You know that a Mickey and 2-4's mean, "party at the camp, eh!!!"
- You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.
- You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
- You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- You know that the last letter of the alphabet is pronounced "Zed".
- Your newspaper covers news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
- You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.
- You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan".
- You perk up when you hear the theme song from 'Hockey Night in Canada'.
- You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.
- Your beer case handles Are big enough To fit your mittens.
- Every murder is reported.
- You froze your tongue to something metal and survived to tell about it.
posted by Dave Pye @ 7/11/2005 10:30:00 AM
14 Comments:
6 Pages for hockey. That's Beauty eh.
- The statement "right to bear arms" makes you think of sunscreen
- Drinking beer makes you feel patriotic
- Wars don’t exists to battle abortion, gay marriage and smoking marijuana
- Your Supreme Court upholds the rights and freedoms of its people, not its government
- A lot of words end in “…our” instead of “…or”
- Your national animal hasn’t been hunted to extinction
- Your Senate is appointed, not elected
- You constantly point out which celebrities are from your country
- Your army wears green in the desert
- Tea usually comes hot, not iced
- Your money is colour coded so you don’t accidentally tip $10 instead of $1
- News reporting on US activities is accurate
- You hate the French because you had to learn their language in high school, not because they don’t back your wars or tariff your cheese
Where the hell have you been, G? Good to have you back.
And I think you misread the title of the article. It was not, in fact, "Reasons I Am Often Embarrassed To Be Canadian".
Although I am extremely frigging proud of Shatner. And hating the French is also fine.
Dave, I was on a short vacation then in TO for business. Did you know that they are changing Maple Leaf Gardens into a Great Canadian Superstore? Travesty!
This post had a ton of promise, until it got all liberal, and made me angry. Way to ruin the run Graeme.
Sorry, Smooth, don't know you well enough to burn you on the blog - so I'll just say, "Take off, you hoser!"
Don't know which to feel sadder for you about: being a demented Conservative who can’t notice when a Canadian is poking fun at the Yanks and HIMSELF, or that you live in Dumpton, er, sorry, Moncton (I assume that's NB?).
Oh, well, it looks like I now know you well enough...
This is why political blogs do so well.
Graeme a bit of background on smooth. He lives in Acton, MA and is a former Marine and current TPB fan. And your list did take a bit of a loaded spin to the left. Why ruin the party with party rhetoric?
PAR-TAY!
Dave, have you become so jaded that you can't poke fun at your adopted country (jeez, I should know by now that this is a rhetorical question)? Not being able to do that is truly UN-Canadian! Sure, it was left leaning, but isn’t Canada – the very nationality mentioned in the blog? Come on, one of the best things about being Canadian is being able to mock our “big brother” (oh that is so pregnant with suggestion) to the south. Tell me if I’m wrong, but 75% of the people living in this country would agree with 75% of the things I mentioned. And come on, Smooth you ex-marine, how funny is it to send your troops into a desert war zone wearing green camo? It’s just as fun to make fun of Canada itself! I guess this is why all the best comedians are liberals… Yeah, you heard me, eh. Now giv’er!
BTW, Dave, which of the statements do you view as untrue? I'd say only two (ok, maybe three) of them are really "leftist" in sentiment, but not unfounded. Also, this should be viewed from a Canadian perspective - the whole point of the blog, yes?
Off the topic a bit, I think having an appointed senate (which we have here in Canada) is a total waste of time - a place where old politicians go to die on the country's dime. In fact, Canada really doesn't need a senate at all.
Crazy thing is Dave, being from Upstate NY I also recognize many of those terms and phrases. Hey and pouttine (sp?), good stuff and great recommendation. Finally had the opportunity to order some during my last visit to Montreal.
Graeme, Quick tip. There is no such thing as a ex-Marine. Only former Marines. Your comments weren't just a little left, they looked like they were lifted from Janeane Garofalo's PC. Some you might be Canadian if suggestions would have been funny, not some you might think like Sean Penn if comments.
Thanks, Smooth, you put a whole new light on some you things.
Great list! Regarding Graeme's list...I wish I could say that the Supreme Court upholds the rights of the people but don't forget...the S.C. is appointed by the government therefore tend to be quite partisan and will, many times, go along with what the gov't wants. Also, our news reports accurately on US events?..the CBC???
I will add another one to your lists: You might be Canadian if: you can't go out anywhere without having a cup of Timmies in your hand! ;)
Kariba! Truer words were never said. I am reminded of a lyric from one of my favorite Gord Downie songs, 'Vancouver Divorce':
"Sitting here at the Horton's, so you know this is important".
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