Resolution Secrets Revealed: Show Us Your Teats.

My greatest New Year's resolution victory had to have been back in 2001 when I vowed to quit smoking once and for all. I haven't had a puff since. Yes I'm gloating - it's no easy task. Would you like to know how I did it? Should I share my secret here, for the ages? I could probably make millions writing a book or creating a self help DVD, but since I'm in such a good mood today I'll let you in on my little secret. Here's how you quit smoking:

You quit smoking.

If you 'only smoke when you're driving', you'll end up right back puffing a pack a day. If you 'only smoke after a meal', same thing. If you like to light up 'just once in the morning while reading the paper', likewise plan on being right back at that smokey teat within a week. And if you only smoke when you drink, you might as well have never even bothered dropping it in the first place.

Here's the tough straight poopy dope: any iteration of smoking will ultimately lead you right back to whatever sad habit you started with. Once I figured that out, removed it from my life completely and stopped pretending I needed to wean myself off of it like a newborn from a juicy teat it was actually kind of easy. So if you're planning on dancing with the dragon this coming year, I want to say to you, best of luck. And teat, just one more time.