Friday's Quizzlet: The Purple Pyeman.

Appetizer: If you were a dog, what breed would you be, and why?
My breed would be irrelevant as I'd be constantly holed up under a porch licking myself.

Soup: What does the color purple make you think of?
A crosseyed Oprah Winfrey. A people-eater. Some guy who lived on Porcupine Peak and continuously tried to diddle Strawberry Shortcake. The L.A. Kings. Bondage videos involving testicles and shoelaces.

Salad: Approximately how long does it take you to get ready each morning?
That depends on how many people I have to drive back to the high school.

Main Course: How many cousins do you have, and are you close to them?
I have 7 first cousins and 4 second cousins. My mother was an only child so I suppose that's resulted in less than most. But when you're trying to buy their love at Christmas because you only see them once a year - less is a good thing.

Dessert: Take your initials (first, middle, last) and come up with something else those letters could stand for. (Example: SFO = Sweet Funny Otter)
I wish my initials were S.G. and that I had never been given a middle name so that my answer could be Silly Goose! But since that's not the case: Don Johnson's Penis. Come on, you were all thinking it.