Turkey. A Holiday From Workey.

The Boston Financial District is like a ghost town today. There wasn't a bomb scare or a New Kids reunion at the Tweeter Center - it's Columbus Day. It's also Canadian Thanksgiving - so I may be one of the few people on this continent who was asked to come to the office on this fine Monday. I got a text message this morning from a colleague "Are we really working today?" I shrugged and slid towards my desk through the post-Haymarket slime trails without trying to think too hard about it.

I left my iPod at home by accident, so I eventually had to form cognitive thoughts during my enviable 10 minute walking commute to stay awake. What makes a holiday optional, exactly? And is Columbus Day just about the famous explorer, or is there something more to it? I decided to investigate.

"Italian-Americans feel pride in the day due to the fact that Christopher Columbus, an Italian sailor, sailed to the Americas. Other Americans are embittered by this victory for Columbus because of the ensuing genocide of Native Americans after Columbus' arrival." I knew of this paradox already. Although if it hadn't been old Chris, it would have been Portugal, Spain, France or England doing the intrusive manifesting of the destinies. So let me head off the next on-campus protest - I say let the parade continue, unless you're prepared to move your white behind back to the Caucus Mountains and stop using electricity.

"In the state of Minnesota, Columbus Day is not celebrated, because many people in Minnesota believe that Vikings arrived in North America before Columbus." It certainly would stink to have to change the name on all of your NFL merchandise, at any rate. And I firmly believe that there is no better mascot for a professional sports team than drunken, womanizing, bearded maniacs with horned helmets. Plus, the "Minnesota Flava-Flaves" isn't nearly as catchy.

All this controversy has left me wishing I was in Ontario f'ing up a turkey right now. Hey JV, save me some stuffing. I'll be there in 2 weeks. A bridesmaid would be nice, too.