Fahrenheit Bowling For Ohio 911.

Running a little sluggish today. I was up until 3 am watching the election results come in, surfing between 5 or 6 of the main news channels and trying to get a reasonable semblance of what was happening. Dan Rather, fighting back tears, said that Kerry still had a fighting chance. Larry King and Wolf Blitzer were hanging on by a thread, interviewing Democratic Party lawyers who were already plotting their antipathy. Al Franken was drawing an illegible map of the USA on a whiteboard and calling Kerry way ahead, all the while referring to any state he colored red as "one of the dumb states". And all this was happening 3 hours after Fox had already given Ohio to Bush, pretty much sealing things up for another four.

Now, we all know that there isn't, and never has been, the slightest inkling of a liberal media bias. So why then did Fox and ABC jump to give Florida and Ohio to the GOP, and why has the Bush camp now all but declared victory? Why is it now being reported that Bush has surpassed Reagan and broken the all-time popular vote total?

You guessed it. Space aliens.



But fear not - Objective crusader for truth, and definitely not an irresponsible partisan hack, Michael Moore sped to Ohio last night just as soon as he saw how smoothly tabulations were going where he was lying in wait for a scandal in Florida. Nope, the real mustard and material for his next Oscar-winning cinematic masterpiece would have to be manufactured elsewhere.

So as the whining begins in my home state of Massachusetts (I live about a 10 minute walk from John Kerry) I look forward to the giggles I'll get out of the conspiracy theories that will undoubtedly start pouring in. My friend is having a contest on the subject, and I've already spotted a side-splitter while reading the news this morning. Then, of course, there's always the possibility that Kerry will concede - that would be classy. Oh wait - he just did.