Friday's Quizzlet: Big Dummies And Fish-Eyed Fools.

Appetizer: Name something that makes you scream.
Cock & ball torture. Joining an online dating site with a cleft-lip, a wooden leg and a drinking problem before going out with 3 different women named 'BoSoxGirl78'. Thrusting my face into a hot jet of steam and receiving 3rd degree burns. Base-jumping 20,000 feet without a parachute into a dumpster behind the Gillette factory. Shoving saxophone reeds under my fingernails and then drowning a puppy in a briny pickle barrel. Margaret Cho. God knows I won't do any of those things again. Margaret - call me.

Soup: Who is a musician you enjoy listening to when you want to relax?
There's no better CD in existence for relaxing/suicide/fornication than Grace by Jeff Buckley. I was washing windows the day that he died. Venditti yelled up the ladder "Hey! That fruitcake singer you like drowned". He was right - and as I nearly fell backwards off the roof in shock, I realized my secret weapon (Jeff Buckley music) would forever be limited to that one album. And rohypnol.

Salad: What was the last book you purchased?
I haven't done much reading since I hooked my computer up to digital cable in my bedroom. I used to read voraciously every night before bed. Now I watch Tivo'd episodes of Sanford and Son. Voraciously. While I'm on the subject, that is hands-down the funniest sitcom that's ever been. Click here for a cool S&S soundbyte and synopsis. Or here for titties.



Main Course: If you could live one day as a historical figure, who would it be?
Sinatra. If you have to ask why, it's because you're gay.

Dessert: Talk about a time when you were lost.
I have a pretty poor sense of direction. I'll admit it. On the way home from my last trip to Canada, I took a wrong turn at Albany right before the Mass Pike and drove my sister and I a good 45 minutes out of our way. Having already been in the car 7 hours at that point, I was not popular. I was, however, covered in cat hair and french fries. The moral of the story? My internal compass is Amelia Earhart-esque, especially with a kitten in my lap and a mouthful of potato products. This is going nowhere. Have a good weekend.