Friday's Quizzlet: Blues Brotherly Love

Appetizer: What do you think is the perfect age to get married? To have a child?
No one has any business getting married until they're at least 27 or so. See the world, meet some people and as cliched as this sounds - 'find yourself'. I've had a pretty wild life so far, and have been lucky in terms of travels, relationships, friends and adventure. I am faithful that the rest will fall into place by itself. When it does, I'll be comfortable and ready - with no room for regrets in my head full of fevered, debaucherous memories. In reality, I'm probably going to die alone at age 52 beside a trunk full of pornography.

Soup: If you could change occupations, what would you want to do for a living?
I probably should have been a police detective. I have this ingrained sense of right and wrong and although it veers disturbingly in certain areas, it has served me well thus far. I don't shirk when I see a dead body, I look good in bad suits, I already consume unhealthy amounts of coffee and donuts and can readily repeat the statistic "more (police) cars were destroyed in the making of the Blues Brothers than any film in history". Wouldn't you feel safer at night?



Salad: What does the color green make you think of?
Menthol. A couple of years ago I had a strange phase. I was given a can of menthol shaving cream and things just snowballed from there. I started buying skin lotion with menthol. Then I got some face cream with menthol. Then I bought a bottle of mentholated schnapps and woke up suddenly in an ATM vestibule. I knew it had gotten out of control when I bought a carton of Newports and then smoked the whole thing at the Dudley T stop in Roxbury.

Main Course: Has something happened over the last year that you didn't expect?
My expectations have been exceedingly low in recent years, so this could be any number of things. Vanilla Coke was an emotional moment for me, for example. I'm certainly glad that the Eastern Seabord hasn't been reduced to rubble by now as I'd predicted. I feel obliged to ask Mr. Al Zarqawi - 'Can't we all just just get along?' Barring his answer being anything other than 'Hammala! Hammala!Hammala!' Or 'Allah akbar', I say we make Fallujah the new 'Silicon Valley' - or 'smoking crater of hot sand', to be more specific.

Dessert: How old were you when you had your first kiss?
Maybe I should switch to a quiz that isn't written by a woman? Nah, I'll be a good sport. Her name was Suzanne, and it was 1986 - so I would have been 13. This was my first real kiss. The earth moved. I'm talking boobie-grabbing, tongue and all while I had her propped up on a dryer in my friend Chris's basement during a birthday party. This girl moved fast - she was 15 and already in high school. I won't go into any more detail because my mother reads this, but let's just say it was a very interesting 3 months. God bless ya, ya feckin' cradle-robber, ya - wherever you are.