Friday's Quizzlet: Jeffrey Dahmer's Kitten.

Appetizer: Tell about a toy you remember from your childhood.
In 1978 I was given a remote controlled R2-D2 for Christmas. And get this - it went forwards and backwards. So I could pretend I was a Jawa and chase R2, or I could pretend I was some sort of droid-a-phobe and run away from him. I could also aim him directly at my father's shin, hide behind the couch and then let him rip. Yep... pretty much limited to chasing, running from or inflicting bodily harm on parental units. Now I realize why I got nuthin' but Nerf the following year.

Soup: If you could make one thing free for everyone, what would it be?
Healthcare. And Airborne Effervescent Health Formula. It saved my life this week. On a side note, I'm going to be Osama Pye Laden this weekend, so don't bother looking for me. I've had a nagging sickyness for days and days. I just want to relax on the couch, play video games and snort vitamin C. Oh, and then there's the hour tomorrow when I'll be online frantically trying to get tickets for the December 9th show. And those should be free, too.

Salad: How many times per day do you think about your significant other?
Whenever I file my nails, trim my cuticles, read my own palm, use hand cream or practice new shadow puppets. If you didn't like that joke, try this one: I hadn't thought about her in a couple of hours but then I accidentally unplugged my freezer and she began to stink. Damn it, Mai Lin - why couldn't you have just shut your fat Malaysian mouth?

Main Course: Name something you believe in 100%.
That John Kerry is now working as a bartender at the Lowell Brewing Company. He and Teresa must be on the outs. If you don't believe me, go see for yourself. Take in a Lockmonsters game, find some crack to buy and then head to the brewery to see John. He's a little down in the dumps these days.

Dessert: List 3 things you did this year that you would consider a "good deed."
How about 1, demanding quizzlet? I jumped on a grenade just the other night. My roomate had some of her friends in town, and as I was feeling sick I opted to go and spend the night at my sister's - because I knew they'd keep me up and that I'd end up throwing something sharp at them while snot ran down my face. What I got in return was a red wine stain down the length of my stairwell wall, a nasty call from the building manager and a sound scratching from my sister's new kitten who is possessed by the spirit of Jeffrey Dahmer. Fuck a deed.